Stream of Conciousness

It's creepy to think just WHO has this blog on their rss feeder. I am not calling you creepy, my readers; it's just that there are so few of you that read this blog, that it has me wondering who you are! I try to keep this quite private, you see.

Anyhoo, if you are creepy, please leave. If you are just generally interested in the ordinary yet crazy life of a complete stranger, and you can genuinely relate to the things I blog, you are welcome to stay!

Things around me are changing and I even notice my body getting older. Now i know Im YOUNG as heck, but still just tiny little things that were fresher are now "maturing", and it's scary. I never thought Id be the kind of lady who would freak out about aging, but as time goes by, I do think that will be me...

I have been torn lately as to what I want. I have the life people dream of, heck I have the life I always dreamed of, and it's perfect. I know that some things are happening that will rule some changes in my own life, and it's got me thinking, or better RE thinking what is it that I want? what is my goal for my life?

I travel, and yet I want to do less of it to be home more. At the same time I crave the lavish life and parties in the big city lights. And overlapping that too, is my desire to bake and decorate my home like a typical housewife.

So I have all these feelings and life scenarios overlapping. I am trying to decipher who it is that I am. and I think I know that the answer is all of the above, and that therefore, I am a mixure of both the business woman and the homey wife, simply trying to figure out how to make the two co-exist.

Brian is happy with my career choices, and he actually encourages all this traveling even when I walk in the door saying "I quit" after a long day/trip. He pushes me more than I even push myself maybe.

I need to stick to my plan. I need to keep climbing the ladder and not lose motivation or focus. I really feel like my career is my passion and it's what drives me. I would be lying if I said otherwise.

Of course I know that at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is BRIAN. and I never ever, seriously never, take that for granted. I pray thanking God for him every day. sometimes more than once a day. God deserves one continous prayer that lasts 12 hrs for all that he's given me.

I will confess something, ever since I was 12 Ive wanted to move to NYC with such gusto and drive. Today, I still have phases where I just as badly want to be in the city, in the midst of IT ALL, just like i craved when I was 12. Then there is SoCal, I think it would be easier, smarter, and a safer choice to move there, but NYC is still in my heart.

I recently spent over a week in the city and it was all that I had hoped. Lia and I had an amazing time and I must say it was one of the best things Ive done by my self, and for myself. I loved the feeling of independence and having all that I ever dream of in the palm of my hand, THAT is what NYC does to me. It makes me feel alive and that honestly, anything is possible with some hard work sprinkled on top.

As usual, I am ever so impatient to see where life takes me, and now where it will take me and my love. I honestly sometimes fantasize about moving to key west with him and living off of fresh fish in a shack. I would be happy there too as long as it'd be with him.

Life, oh life-- you are an unpredictable little thing, and I am just too curious to stand what you have in store for me.