10 weeks!

10 weeks is very exciting and yesterday's appointment did not disappoint!!!!!! we got to see our little baby dance and move and.... wait for it... WAVE AT US!!!!!! that little, yet very distinct wave was amazing!! <3

Brian was smitten by the baby moving... he couldn't believe it!
we are so happy to have a healthy dancing little baby growing right on chart (at 10 weeks he/she measured 10 weeks and 2 days) so yay! what a strong little guy!

EVERYONE thinks it's going to be a girl, but I personally do not have an intuition whatsoever! I am not leaning either way and I don't have the "feeling" of knowing... simply patiently awaiting until we find out for sure!

The appointment itself was very long. We arrived at 12:15 and left at 2:30. We waited for a long time but I didn't care about that. After the glorious and exciting ultrasound, I had to give 7 viles of blood!!! ugh...

Everything was perfect with the baby and gratefulness doesn't even begin to describe it.



I really want to commemorate here that
From the very first moment we found out, Brian has been not your typical man in denial or shock. Perhaps on some level, he even seems more prepared than me ;) He also TOTALLY is sharing my symptoms! he eats like he's pregnant with twins! he is very in tune with me, I tell him everything I feel physically and emotionally and the communication is reciprocal.

There have definitely been a couple of instances where he was clueless about obvious things, and it caused a fight... but oh well no one is perfect.

He kisses my non existent bump and I know he loves and wants this baby so much :.)

The other heart-melting thing is that he always says he wouldn't mind having a little girl who looked and sounded like me! :) whenever he says that my pupils turn heart-shaped! :D

He's going to be even better at this parenting thing than I am ;P

Anyways the bittersweet news is that we wont get to peek at baby for another 8-12 weeks
oy! but but but we will find out the gender then soooooooooo definitely worth the wait! :D

Fizzing

Science would probably disagree with me, but I KNOW I felt a movement in the womb.
I know it wasn't gas, I know what gas feels like. Actually during pregnancy gas is a little painful. I also know I've never felt that tiny little feeling before ever in my life, in fact it freaked me out a bit.

I was laying in bed on my side waiting to fall asleep and I felt a tiny string of FIZZING bubbles deep inside of me. In a perfect row. fizzing. I took another breath and I felt the same thing again...it freaked me out so I moved out of the position and told Brian about it! I shrugged this feeling off very quickly because I didn't know what It meant and frankly, there have been many many new subtle feelings when it comes to my body lately so I didn't think much of it.

A couple of days later while reading a pregnancy article about I don't remember what, they described the movement of the baby JUST AS THE FEELING I HAD EXPERIENCED!!!! When I read a few more descriptions of women who felt the same thing around the same time, I KNOW IT WAS MY BABY!!! The reason I am so sure is because It's a feeling I've never had in my life :D

Ok so tomorrow is the big day I've been dying to arrive!!!! Our ultrasound where we get to see baby again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! did I mentioned how much I love technology and ultrasounds in particular???? I am dying to see my baby again!!!!!!!!!! this time I might blow up the pic! :D

9 weeks 5 days

I have been wanting so many kiddy foods like oreos, bananas, pears, baby yogurt, anything sweet, pb&js etc etc.
I could seriously eat cake all day long if I didnt care about my body-- which I do, a lot.
I've actually been really good thus far in controlling what I eat. Before embarking on this journey, I didn't know that through pregnancy you only had to add 300 calories to your normal diet. That's only like a bowl of cereal and a banana a day (aka not much at all). So really I have been maintaining my normal diet and indulging in one or two sweets a day, but no more! I want to be able to look and feel good throughout this pregnancy, and my baby is being SO incredibly considerate towards me!

A deluge of thick blue veins have appeared overnight on my belly sides and breasts. It's like my skin is "ripping" Incredible Hulk style. They are just veins, but it freaked me out when I first saw them in the mirror. The veins design a map on my body that represents the most exciting trip I will ever embark on.

Last night I kept stretching (arching my back) needing to stretch out that way for some reason. All night long I kept arching my back as if to stretch. Really weird almost like a tick.

Thursday is only two days away but I have been dying for this day to arrive!!! We will see our baby again and that's all I want. Gosh I really wish I had an ultra sound machine at home so that I could see my baby every day if I wanted to ...

Until this very moment I hadn't thought about the fact that after Thursday I won't have another ultrasound to peek in there for gosh knows how many weeks... ahhh I dont wanna think about that. But hopefully feeling the movements of the baby by then will satisfy my need to see what's going on in there!

This process is really making me realize that I am the most impatient person I know. I may look like I am waiting patiently but I am just always wanting to make it to the next milestone. I think it's because as things progress there is more and more hard proof evidence that this baby IS IN THERE!

Right now only immediate family knows and a few friends. I look forward to 12 weeks when I'll be able to tell the world! :D shout it in everyone's ears!
I am not showing and I feel pretty much completely normal... my few symptoms are subtle. Yes, I know how lucky I am!

My gosh I just cannot wait to see my baby! He/she is looking like a real baby now, the size of a prune. He/she has completely formed the lips and the tip of the nose!!!!!! this drives me nuts, because I just need to see them!!!!!! :.)

Shortly after the doc's appointment, we will leave to go on a 10 day vacation to the Panama Canal. This will be so needed to just bond over baby, devour the baby name book, enjoy ourselves and soak it all up. It will also distract me from counting down more days! :D

The huge milestone once we will return from our cruise, will be that I will be 12 weeks! and therefore I'll be able to tell everyone about our sweet news.

I have a few trips planned for work in the spring/summer and I am positive yet nervous about them. I wonder how I'll feel. I am very much one of those people who keeps going through the pain. But I want to be sure that If I am not feeling well I will stop myself from keep on going. I will be going to a couple of place in the south, NYC, and Italy. It's really very slow work wise compared to any other year, so for that I am thankful. Plus NYC and Italy are my favorite places in the world, so me and baby will get to not only go there together, but shop for him/her a whole lot!!! :D

Also by then we will know the GENDER!!!! and that is a huge deal!

We've been slacking at name-searching for a while now. We have a LIST, but I still feel like I want more options. Our top baby boy name was recently used by someone we sort of know and it threw me off. Now I am torn.

For a baby girl name, there is a name that feels SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO right, a name a found before I was preggo and just trying. Even now that name overshadows all the other baby girl names I compare it to. Soooooo we'll see!!!!!!

9 weeks | Dreams

Well 4am strikes the clock and I am wide awake every morning; sometimes because I am hungry, or cold, hot, have had a bad nightmare, or the simple full bladder...

Two nights ago I had a dream that a burglar broke into our house and was going to harm us, I pretended to be asleep right in front of him and I knew he was just waiting for me to get up. I knew as soon as Brian would walk in the door from work he would harm us. I begged the burglar not to harm me because I had a baby in my belly, I told him he could have anything he wanted just not to harm us. and I woke up. 4am. super awake and scared.

Last night I finally dreamt of my baby for the first time! and for a change it was a very great dream! :D I dreamt of giving birth, and it was a little boy-- a boy so pretty it looked like a girl. He had jet black hair and sparkling big blue eyes in the shape of a kitty. I remember thinking in the dream that the baby's face was like a pretty kitty cat (in a good way). Then this child grew to a toddler in an instant and I had 2 more girls who were older than him (even though he was my first). I was getting my 3 kids ready in a chaos and I couldn't remember any of their names! I felt so horrible about this. and then I woke up.

Other things I want to mention here so that I document and don't forget are a few notes about food.

I am definitely craving sweets--I am trying to stay in control of these cravings but I definitely indulge too. We will see at the next doc's appointment if and how much weight I've gained. At nine weeks the baby is as big as a green olive and my uterus as big as a grapefruit. I don't feel I look ANY bigger at all though.

Foods I started eating that were not in my diet prior to pregnancy: pears, bananas, pb&j's, oreos. I have also been eating way more tomatoes than usual.

For about 2 months now I have eliminated all teas, coffees and medicines.

There hasn't been the slightest sign on nausea, but I kind of knew all my life id never had this because both my mom and my sis never had this symptom either! I also like to think that my baby is really really sweet to me regarding this ;)

I am dying to go to the next doc's appointment (exactly 1 week from today!) where we will see our then PRUNE-SIZED baby!!!! (huge!) but I try really hard not to look at the calendar and count the days, as I know this would make time go way slower.

Because I am a super impatient person, I find that taking the weekly belly photos, really helps me deal with the time passing, since it celebrates every week's milestone ;)

8 weeks 3 days

My amazing little growing baby is doing wonderfully as far as I know, and is currently growing from a raspberry to a green olive size. He/She will be considered a fetus and not an embryo by the end of this week because he will look like a little tiny real baby!! I think he must be just like his daddy because he fits perfectly with who I am; he is not loud and obnoxious like I am, he is more quiet and considerate like his daddy. This little baby is anything besides fastidious, I have barely any symptoms and no bad ones whatsoever-- which shocks me sometimes.
I am definitely hungrier and more tired, everyday around 3pm I feel a surge of sleepiness. Sometimes I fight the naps because I feel completely drugged once I wake up, like knocked out.

My goodness this baby is so perfect already, I can barely believe it. I cannot wait to see and kiss his fat chunky toes and then to hear them pitter patter from his room to ours to crawl in the bed with us.

I cannot wait to just have the baby here with us, I am such an impatient person.

A few days ago I thought a BUMP might be making its appearance, but even with that my baby is being ever so considerate and gradually and subtly letting me know that he is here. The BUMP that I saw before dinner must have been bloating because it was pretty much flat by the AM.

I read all these stories about women who feel fat by now and whose jeans are already snug by now... who puke all the time, cry all the time... but i have NONE of those symptoms at all. I don't think I am lucky, I think my baby is simply already perfect and made just for me.

I hope this baby will better me, and I hope I will be able to be the best guide for him/her that I can possibly be.

I cannot wait to know my baby's personality, gender obviously, and soul. I cannot wait to face the beauty and the challenges ahead of us.

I feel unspeakably blessed to be with Brian and to be able to have a family with him. He is the best person I can think and that I know to have and raise a baby with. He is my best friend, he is wise, and kind, caring, loving and responsible...

If nothing else, I know that I will have provided my baby with an unsurpassed father. the best.

Baby, in about 10 days we get to see you and hear you again! i love these ultrasounds... I am such a visual person and therefore when I SEE you it's the only way I really realize YOU ARE HERE!!! Which leads me to: I cannot wait till you grow really big and give me a tummy (just a tummy not chins and thighs please but that would be MY doing not YOURS ;)

But seriously, I cannot wait to be able to look down and SEE your shape inside of me. I love you already. I wonder if you love me already. I think yes :.)

We are gonna give you so much love while you're growing big and most especially when you are here, you might need constant kisses because we will completely spoil you with them!

I am in love with baby toes, so I have no idea how much I'll die over yours. It's just nuts to think that we'll have our own perfect set of baby toes here in a few months. YOURS!

I also love to have a "flash forward" to next Christmas when you will be here celebrating the most amazing day with us, and we will be so happy together as a family. Thinking about Christmas with you seems incredible. I will certainly dress you up in a sweet little festive outfit and take 1000 photos of you/us together. I know you will be perfect. and I mean perfect for us. You will be a perfect fit with our family. You will be the perfect balance between crazy me and your sweet daddy.

I keep taking "belly photos" but really there is no belly, I have not gained any weight (i guess thankfully) but I am really thinking that by week 10-13 I will see a little difference! we shall see!

When it sinks in that you are with me, it's kind of hard to process yet so right at the same time. Like NOTHING I can say I've experienced before.
Just a first of MANY I am sure.

I love you baby.

Strangely missing you {7 weeks, 5 days}

What an emotional adjustment this is. wow. It really, most of the times does not feel real that i have the tiniest bundle of baby love growing inside me. But when it does for the shortest instance sink in, it's moving. I wish I realized it more, it makes me feel guilty that it has not sunken in yet. I wish I felt more connected and more aware of the fact that I am in fact pregnant. The few things that jolt my memory is watching the reaction videos and the heartbeat video! :) It's a strange feeling of almost "missing" the baby because Im not able to really bond with it yet. I cant wait until I can feel him/her.

Speaking of, my gut tells me it's a boy. But let me also say that I usually am never right with predictions! The few reasons I'm leaning towards BOY, are:
• when I refer to him, I do so in male form.
• the Chinese calendar says boy.
• when I heard the heartbeat it felt calm like a boy's might be.

I think i would be more familiar and at ease raising a girl, but no matter what gender, children give us love unconditionally and that is what I desire the most. Just love, happiness and health. When I think about this child I think it will be a lot like his/her daddy. Patient, calm, kind. What I wish the most soon after perfect health, is HAPPINESS. I want this child to be happy. A happy person, one that finds joy in everything, one who will grow up and be proud of the choices they've made and just feel happy being who they are.

What a giant responsibility this will be.

I had a couple of baby related dreams, but nothing hormonal and crazy like you always read preggo women have.

One was a very short flash of a dream where I walked in on Brian holding the baby. They were both dressed in white, and the window behind them shined gorgeous white light. Brian was holding the baby looking at it while eating cereal. I suppose my mind went to such an ordinary, real moment, because those are the things I am looking forward to. Walking in on my loves.

The other dream was just this morning:
I dreamed that Brian and I told our friends Skyler and Kristian that we were pregnant and it went like this:
*while shopping*
me: "I won't fit in that dress because I am going to be huge soon"
Kristian: "you are pregnant?"
me and Brian: *nodding/smiling*
Skyler: "well you are an artist aren't you? they say that children are the epitome of all things artistic, so it's ok that you are having a baby"
Me: "Skyler, I know it's ok, this was very much on purpose"
Skyler and Kristian: " you mean you had sex to have a baby? on purpose? what? Brian, really?"

What a funny dream, I can't wait to tell them about it ;D