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Wednesday, 29 February 2012

6 weeks

This has been a hard week with work and I feel that sadly that stress overshadowed my joy.
I've also had a bit of a hard time connecting with the reality of it all. It suddenly seems so unreal that there is a baby growing in my belly. This is ironic especially because we heard the heartbeat this week. I have very brief moments where it feels real, but mostly this week it's just been overwhelming a bit.
At 6 weeks baby is as big as a blueberry! Huge! ;)
Well huge compared to a poppy seed that is.

I do still believe that every day and week this baby stays with us we are more and more blessed. Everyday is a milestone and a miracle.

I've also had some stress about my capabilities to be A good enough person for this child.
This baby is in every sense God's gift, and therefore such a huge responsibility. This is not our child, it's God's child, and God is trusting us to love and care for his child- huge responsibility-- so it's normal that I feel a bit shaken about taking are of such a huge gift.

I pray to God that he will instill all types of goodness, kindness, love and wisdom in us to be good guardians and parents to this human being.
Most of all I want this new person to be a HAPPY person.

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Vegas & Sacrifices

I just came back from Las Vegas for work and I am learning quickly about sacrifices. I am already getting the gist that that is what parenting will be all about. It's funny how these things are introduced ever so gradually into a mother's life.

When we were in Vegas I was supposed to attend what is a pretty popular and fabulous party for photographers. I rarely get to dress up, dance, and be super social (something I quite enjoy), so I was actually looking forward to it. But as the night progressed I decided to listen to my body (I felt great, just a bit tired/sleepy) and decided that the days in Vegas had already been so heavy and intense, I needed to let baby seed rest. And rest we did.

It was a small sacrifice.

Sacrifices are also not eating what you want (fish!), not drinking what you want (tea!), slowing down when things are fast, and the ultimate & obvious sacrifice will be my body. These are all things I am happy to undertake with a smile on my face to ensure the healthiest baby growing possible. I would do this and more.

I find it interesting how subtly sacrifices and parenting choices have quietly bubbled up in my life.

Tomorrow baby lentil will be 6 weeks!!!!! This is a big milestone as we are now eligible to be seen by the doc! and "meet" our baby seed for the first time.

These past few weeks have been a blend of hazes of reality and surreality.
Most of the times I KNOW what is happening to me-- the grandiosity of it all. Other times though, when the world spins fast, I ask myself "is this real!?"


I have been quite paranoid about the things I put into and onto my body. I had a minor freak out when I went to go get my hair cut and the hairstylist put oil in my hair and some other product on my scalp. I did muster the courage to say NO to hairspray thank goodness!. Nonetheless, I was feeling pretty guilty. You see, I would have said something, but it seemed everyone in that salon knew who I was (via Simply Bloom) so I couldn't say "Im pregnant dont put that on me!!!".
After a chat with Christine, I did learn that I need to know where my comfort lines are, and speak up if I have to, so that's what I've been doing since. What Christine told me was very true: "make a call, and stick to it" and it's actually been working :)

I have made the call of writing down all the things I'm skeptical to eat and use and will consult my doc about them. I am very iffy on beauty products, so it's definitely something I want to address with him.

Our first doc appointment is this Friday-- I have a feeling it's going to make things even more real. I can't wait to see my baby. He/she is already the center of my world.

PS: the oil the hair stylist used was Argan Oil, which is actually good during pregnancy I've read.

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Telling Christine

Telling Christine about little sesame seed has been one of the best parts thus far.
Her reaction and happiness are more than I could have ever dreamed :D
She is such an important person and part of my life for so many reasons. For SOME reason, we were meant to share our lives so closely together-- and for that I am so fortunate. She is very much more than just a friend, but a sister.

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Planning Ahead | Maternity Fashion

My mom and I were looking at clothes and she told me how she had bought a beautiful dress but how I definitely couldn't fit in it by the summer. I responded with an "I still have a good 4/5 months!!!" and she sweetly said: "hmm more like 2 or 3"

I wonder how big I will get! my weight pre baby is about 120/122 lbs. I know my boobs will account for about 10 lbs of the weight gain... I can already tell. But let's face it, both my mom and my sister said that genetically we tend to BLOW UP.

Nonetheless, there is a part of me who is really excited for the challenge of dressing a bump body. I have already created a folder of possibilities.

You might wonder how am I

wear with leggings

wear with leggings

Accessorize with colorful chunky wooden bead necklace

wear with leggings

wear with leggings

Told | Part 1

Today we told my family!!!!!!!!!!

The reveal went as smoothly as I had planned it!

We brought over a Disney souvenir bag and told my parents to see the cute magnet we had brought them.

** I wanted it to be as casual as possible, so to get even a greater shock factor!** ;) it worked!

Inside the little bag was a Christmas ornament train wagon. This is addition to a Christmas ornament that my mom already owns with a wagon for each member of our family.
The one they unwrapped was this:

and their reaction was this:

Then my sister, Bradley and Karsten came over and I had my mom say "look at the cute souvenir they brought us from disney" and this was their reaction:

Tomorrow I will tell Christine-- I am dying to!
I think she might faint ;)

Saturday, 11 February 2012


Oh my lord, I've definitely struck the emotional chords today. Crying fits, attacks, convulsions out of the blue... are they even supposed to happen this early?!?! I mean I have NO NAUSEA AT ALL THANK GOODNESS, but emotional symptoms aplenty. The tears are triggered by worry. Worry of the fragility of a baby that already feels so ours, that we already cannot wait to meet. Ok tearing up as I type...
Today was just stressful and too emotional.. I cried and stressed so much that I worried I would cause something bad for the baby's development, and that of course brought on more stress and tears. I hope this is a VERY short phase.

Tomorrow we tell my parents the GIANT news!! I have been looking forward to this all week! actually, I've been looking forward to this before I even knew were preggo! :D

Today I was looking at a baby blog and I found myself thinking "I want a baby so bad" and then "I HAVE a baby!" sighhhhh and then more tears.

Friday, 10 February 2012

Week 4

We've known about the little developing poppy seed for 5 days now, and actually they have been the longest 5 days ever. I am so anxious to tell my family and Christine. Brian has to keep refraining me!!! Every time I see them, it's really hard to keep my mouth shut as they are such a big part of my life and I am such an open book of a person ;)

I know it's early but everyday that poppy seed is with us it is a miracle, a blessing, and a milestone.

My version of pinching myself is going back to look at the positive pregnancy tests, as well as watching the video of when we found out.

On that note, I had always visualized telling Brian in some sort of cute creative way, but the way it happened was so much better. He was THERE. Not literally holding my hand, but right outside the door, so we were truly able to share the first reaction together
(which is so much better than I could have planned).

We are telling my parents on Sunday. We do have a creative and meaningful way to break the news to them, I will certainly video it ;)

And I will tell Christine on Wednesday, and yes, video that too!

This is such a giant deal, but still it doesn't feel weird. It feels like things are just the way they are meant to be.

In the photo a POPPY flower, as baby is the size of a poppy seed ;)

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

3rd day

Today marks the 3rd day of knowing about a little tiny tiny person developing inside of me. I am on cloud nine. I am sick with the worst nasal congestion, but I have read that it is not uncommon as most of my nutrients go to my littlest being. So if sick as a dog is what it takes for a healthy baby, I would take this and much much more.

We decided to tell my family in 4 days and Christine in 7 days :) It shall be the longest week of my life. In 7 days I will be 5 weeks pregnant.

This feels so right and natural. There is no weirdness, like it's all exactly perfect how I had dreamed it would be.

Besides being barely able to breathe (it's quite hard to breathe, baby needs more of my oxygen and I supposedly have an additional 15 heartbeats per minute) the FREQUENT URINATION thing is NO JOKE!!!
Sure I've been drinking more water than usual, but it feels like my badder was able to hold waaaaaay more pee than it can now.

I had a thought yesterday that made my nose tingle and my eyes well up with happy tears (twice): This will be the best year of our lives :)

Monday, 6 February 2012

The Unspeakable

We had been on a bit of an emotional ride lately.
Deciding and trying to get pregnant is not as easy as it may sound. The knowing, the not knowing, thinking, then dis-convincing, double-guessing, googling etc etc. Wanting a baby was something we thought through and through, from every angle, and talked about almost every day for months. Definitely a very conscious decision. We, ok I, have wanted to keep our "trying" a bit of a secret, because I am a dramatic person and I like a good dramatic announcement :) Plus, it felt safer that way.

Today we returned from a fun and carefree trip to Disney. We had such a great time, and we felt so connected. Throughout the trip, I kept getting into pouty and emotional teary spells here and there, because I thought I felt my period coming. I wasn't nauseous, or tired, or felt a sixth sense like you hear you're supposed to if you are pregnant.

Of course there was also the question of: should I ride roller-coasters or not?
I didn't want to be that paranoid woman, especially not even knowing wheather I was or not. I also really thought I would have FELT pregnant, and when I DIDNT, it justified the coasters.

After coming home, I knew I'd be able to take one of those "early pregnancy tests", but my intention and expectation was just to ensure myself that I wasn't--so that I could cry it out and get on with it. But this is when things became surreal and God made our dream come true.

I took the test, and while I thought I'd be able to wait a couple of minutes to determine what it read-- instantaneously BOTH lines appeared immediately. A hot sweat as well as nervous happy shakes overtook my body. I told God he was beautiful
Meanwhile Brian was in the shower two steps outside the door quietly AWAITING for the result.

Through the door I asked him to get out of the shower, and I got out of the bathroom and this is what happened:

Our dream really was granted by God and we feel so blessed, this is exactly what we wished for.

After a freak out attack, hugs, kiss showers, stares, smiles, gazing at the positive test .. we asked each other almost simultaneously " now what? "

How do we proceed about our night with this giant emotion/happiness that drowns our every cavity!?

One thing I don't feel is scared. It feels so right. Right now there is most certainly a feeling of surreality. The only way I can describe it is that it feel so right it's natural. I'm so happy that it's not weird. I'm so happy it's unspeakable.