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Monday 6 February 2012

The Unspeakable

We had been on a bit of an emotional ride lately.
Deciding and trying to get pregnant is not as easy as it may sound. The knowing, the not knowing, thinking, then dis-convincing, double-guessing, googling etc etc. Wanting a baby was something we thought through and through, from every angle, and talked about almost every day for months. Definitely a very conscious decision. We, ok I, have wanted to keep our "trying" a bit of a secret, because I am a dramatic person and I like a good dramatic announcement :) Plus, it felt safer that way.

Today we returned from a fun and carefree trip to Disney. We had such a great time, and we felt so connected. Throughout the trip, I kept getting into pouty and emotional teary spells here and there, because I thought I felt my period coming. I wasn't nauseous, or tired, or felt a sixth sense like you hear you're supposed to if you are pregnant.

Of course there was also the question of: should I ride roller-coasters or not?
I didn't want to be that paranoid woman, especially not even knowing wheather I was or not. I also really thought I would have FELT pregnant, and when I DIDNT, it justified the coasters.

After coming home, I knew I'd be able to take one of those "early pregnancy tests", but my intention and expectation was just to ensure myself that I wasn't--so that I could cry it out and get on with it. But this is when things became surreal and God made our dream come true.

I took the test, and while I thought I'd be able to wait a couple of minutes to determine what it read-- instantaneously BOTH lines appeared immediately. A hot sweat as well as nervous happy shakes overtook my body. I told God he was beautiful
Meanwhile Brian was in the shower two steps outside the door quietly AWAITING for the result.

Through the door I asked him to get out of the shower, and I got out of the bathroom and this is what happened:




Our dream really was granted by God and we feel so blessed, this is exactly what we wished for.

After a freak out attack, hugs, kiss showers, stares, smiles, gazing at the positive test .. we asked each other almost simultaneously " now what? "

How do we proceed about our night with this giant emotion/happiness that drowns our every cavity!?

One thing I don't feel is scared. It feels so right. Right now there is most certainly a feeling of surreality. The only way I can describe it is that it feel so right it's natural. I'm so happy that it's not weird. I'm so happy it's unspeakable.

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