Just as unbelievable

It's January 21st but September 2015 seems so close that if I blink, it will be here. September 2015 the month that we will become a family of four. It's all JUST AS UNBELIEVABLE as it was the first time we found out we were pregnant. Maybe more so. I feel this incredible sense of calm, I suppose you'd call that denial. At the same time I feel one of the strongest feelings of fear, fear that Ezra and my relationship will have to shift. I am so in utter love with that little boy, that it's hard to think I wont be all his all the time. At the same time I WILL be ALL his, while being ALL for someone else too.  I know this is true. I know how hard this will be.

I feel so blessed that we have been given another little angel by God to nurture in this lifetime. That is my only sense of security right now. The only thought that calms my worries, is that there is in fact going to be another angel in our lives.

Now as for how it happened. I am 3 days late on my period and Brian sort of forced me to take a test against my will. I was too worried and yet just put off by the idea of finding out either way. With conviction, he told me that he wanted to share with me that first moment where we could see the test's result.

As soon as the test "lit up" I said "im not pregnant" with the patience of a spastic monkey,  as I finished uttering those words, the second line appeared. The next 5-8 solid minutes, truthfully speaking my husband annoyed the crap out of me. Brian sat there looking over the test's instructions back to the test and saying how it could not be true and that it was just not a sure thing. After those minutes of "yes I am pregnant" vs. "no you are not"
we finally sat on our bed in utter disbelief just as we had in the winter of 2012 when Ezra was an even littler shrimp growing inside of me.

As I type this, I want to be able to convey just the utter disbelief that I feel at this moment. I don't know if a shred of what has happened has sunken in with me. And yet, we've already looked so far ahead into the future, reflecting on how these two babies of ours will have each other long after we're gone.

I foresee an avalanche of adventure ahead and I can't wait to rise to the challenge of double parenthood...but I am so glad there are 9 months to go :D