What an emotional adjustment this is. wow. It really, most of the times does not feel real that i have the tiniest bundle of baby love growing inside me. But when it does for the shortest instance sink in, it's moving. I wish I realized it more, it makes me feel guilty that it has not sunken in yet. I wish I felt more connected and more aware of the fact that I am in fact pregnant. The few things that jolt my memory is watching the reaction videos and the heartbeat video! :) It's a strange feeling of almost "missing" the baby because Im not able to really bond with it yet. I cant wait until I can feel him/her.
Speaking of, my gut tells me it's a boy. But let me also say that I usually am never right with predictions! The few reasons I'm leaning towards BOY, are:
• when I refer to him, I do so in male form.
• the Chinese calendar says boy.
• when I heard the heartbeat it felt calm like a boy's might be.
I think i would be more familiar and at ease raising a girl, but no matter what gender, children give us love unconditionally and that is what I desire the most. Just love, happiness and health. When I think about this child I think it will be a lot like his/her daddy. Patient, calm, kind. What I wish the most soon after perfect health, is HAPPINESS. I want this child to be happy. A happy person, one that finds joy in everything, one who will grow up and be proud of the choices they've made and just feel happy being who they are.
What a giant responsibility this will be.
I had a couple of baby related dreams, but nothing hormonal and crazy like you always read preggo women have.
One was a very short flash of a dream where I walked in on Brian holding the baby. They were both dressed in white, and the window behind them shined gorgeous white light. Brian was holding the baby looking at it while eating cereal. I suppose my mind went to such an ordinary, real moment, because those are the things I am looking forward to. Walking in on my loves.
The other dream was just this morning:
I dreamed that Brian and I told our friends Skyler and Kristian that we were pregnant and it went like this:
*while shopping*
me: "I won't fit in that dress because I am going to be huge soon"
Kristian: "you are pregnant?"
me and Brian: *nodding/smiling*
Skyler: "well you are an artist aren't you? they say that children are the epitome of all things artistic, so it's ok that you are having a baby"
Me: "Skyler, I know it's ok, this was very much on purpose"
Skyler and Kristian: " you mean you had sex to have a baby? on purpose? what? Brian, really?"
What a funny dream, I can't wait to tell them about it ;D
1 comments:
I thought I was having a boy too...the chinese calendar said it was a boy and all the old wives tales pointed to boy but its a little girl :)
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