I was put under a lot of drama and stress, I tried to remove myself from the situation, but not speaking up resulted in a very unhealthy accumulation of emotions and stress-- which consecutively brought on me having a full blown panic attack. in the middle of the street. 6 mos preggo, in 100 degree heat. bawling.
I left Italy in a hurry needing to come back home. I needed my American commodities, my home, air conditioning, my husband, and mainly just be away from stressful people.
My dad was miraculously able to change my ticket in a few hours so that I could leave that next morning, which I did.
I have been home for 10 hrs and already feel SO MUCH better already. All the swelling went mostly down and I feel more emotionally stable.
I think it's crazy how the people who should be your number one supporters and loved ones sometimes act with no compassion or comprehension for what you are going through. Rather, putting you down--even with small comments and snide remarks that are so inappropriate. That was mainly the reason I hit bottom. I could not stand being around bad auras, having to hold my tongue in fear of exploding because I wanted to shelter my baby from stress-- but accumulating it was just as bad. That, plus the 100 degree heat (with no air conditioning in Italy anywhere to escape to) had me flee Italy as fast as I could.
I promised myself that I will not go back to Italy without Brian-- I just need him with me for balance, always. If he had been there things would have been completely different.
Anyways now I am back home, I slept in my bed, with all the pillows I am used to, in our clean, ventilated room, next to my hubby, woke up to my puppies, ate my regular breakfast, and already feel emotionally better.It makes me realize how much I have here-- and that all that matters, is in fact, right here.
What I've learned from that experience is that Ezra comes first and I need to do what I need to do for him. And if that's cutting my trip short to protect my body and him, that's what the best choice is. Because when it comes to him, there is just too much to lose, too much at stake. I am 100% responsible for him- therefore, with no excuses he must come first and be protected from any potential stresses.
I know that this post might not make sense, but going into detail about what happened is needless. What I want to recollect on here is that I learned a lesson, perhaps the hard way, but it's better than nothing.
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Movement news:
At 22 weeks I felt Ezra punching and kicking simultaneously!!! I could feel the "thumps" in two different spots, length-wise, in my stomach for the first time. So I could feel how LONG he was! and let me tell you, this baby is a healthy BIGGEN! ;) it was the first and only time so far that I've felt that feeling, and it's so awesome. All I can do when I feel such STRONG movements is smile or chuckle to myself out loud! sometimes they even have me tear up :.)
Then, a few days later, on the plane back home, I felt a GIANT kick/punch by in my top abdomen, way above my belly button! it was such a surprise, because I hadn't realized that area of my stomach was being rented out this soon. But how cool it was!! he must have been stretching my uterus all the way up there, needing to upgrade his space. He's like a giant living in a Manhattan flat.
It so crazy how you start feeling the movements not only strengthen, but also creep up with more force higher and higher, and every time, these changes happen overnight! from one day to the next!
so naturally.
The fact that Ezra is so big makes me so happy.
Wardrobe news:
I am so happy with boy clothes! like REALLY happy. I have found the CUTEST most stylish things! I never knew I'd like boy clothes! but even though there may be less choices than girls', they are AWESOME! baby Zara is the best, but H&M, etsy, Prenatal, and a few other places are amazing-- Ezra is gonna look soooooooo handsome in all the clothes I've bought for him! he has a few Jcrew looking outfits that Im sooo excited about ;)
Nursery news:
I am incredibly happy with how the design for the nursery is coming along. It's exactly what I had envisioned--- vintage, whimsical, neutral with touches of rustic baby boy elements.
What we have thus far: wall paper, chandelier, mobile, crib, fabric for bedding/ curtains, and dresser.
All that remains are just a few details like wall art, shelves, closet, rocking toy, pillows, etc.
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