Impatience

Until the day where I hit 39 weeks I was fine. Things went exponentially down-hill soon after that. The last few days have been rough. First, the MENTAL IMPATIENCE HIT ME. Like I am DONE.DONE.DONE mentally-- and soon after the physical part hit me too.

MENTALLY:
Everyone means so very well to check in with me but at the same time it makes me even more impatient. I definitely would rather people check in and CARE than not- but it does bring my mind to the fact that "nope I'm not in labor yet guys"...

I wish desperately that I could think of anything else besides the impending birth of my son, but that's practically impossible. At this stage, everything I do just seems for the purpose of keeping my mind off waiting, and to entertain myself through the never ending days.

Brian has been, just as I would expect, completely wonderful through these rough days. He lets me vent every 10 minutes if i need to, he lets me moan and groan and bears it all with open arms. Hell Im annoyed with myself- not sure how he is not.

PHYSICALLY:

I began swelling. My hands, feet and legs feel and look like inflatable balloons and they look pretty bad.  Stereotypically pregnant you could say. When I wake up in the morning, I feel like I was hit by 100 trucks overnight. My finger joints hurt, and when I step off the bed onto my feet, it's the weight of a brick house bearing onto the hard floor. My back-- well my back will go from being "fine" to locking up and having me limping.

It's just hard to be in ANY position for more than 10 min. And if I do, I swell.

 I get comments like "are you having twins" me: "no" them: "you are huge"-- or such as "you are about to explode". Half the time I really do feel like I might explode, with water, sweat, fat, baby.

Dang, this vent/rant makes it sound pretty terrible, but it's not as horrible as it sounds. Honestly, the mental impatience is much more consuming.

If you are pregnant, do not believe them when they say "it's any day now" weeks in advance,  because I swear that will tear you apart mentally--- you will truly start to believe it, and it will make the hours feel like sand grains dripping down an hourglass.

If I would have known I would have kept some projects or maybe even planned small trip around this time frame, just to keep sane.

Thank God for Brian.